We have had a wonderful weekend in Tennessee. It was so wonderful that it made us wonder…when will the shoe drop?
You know it always does. It is Murphy’s Law. We know God created earth and all that is good and on the 8th day He said “Murphy, you are now in charge!”
This morning we went to the huge Knifeworks Store. We probably spent an hour or more in there. I am proud of Dan; he didn’t drool on anything. But I am very surprised at Dan. He didn’t BUY anything. I thought one of the reasons we went there was to get a new jackknife for him.
From there we headed to Pigeon Forge to go to the Old Mill district. This just shows how things have changed.
When my daughter and I came down here SEVERAL years ago, we stayed in Pigeon Forge at a decent motel not too far from the Old Mill. I finally figured out why nothing looked the same and why I couldn’t find the “granny” type restaurant that we liked to eat a, which was down a ways from our motel. The reason is because the ROAD (AKA 3 lanes in both directions) thru Sevierville and into Pigeon Forge is new, or at least new to me! This road was not here those many years ago (as was hardly any of the businesses along this stretch.)and was two lane. The road that WAS here is the road that runs along the river by the Old Mill and THAT was the main stretch!
After we toured all the little nooks and crannies of little stores in the Old Mill district and spent some time watching the old mill wheel (Try saying that 3 times fast. It was hard enough just typing it!) we decided to get some lunch at the Big Daddy Pizza (we’d heard good things about it).
The pizza was good but the Pizza Place in Newberry, Michigan (back home) makes MUCH better pizza than we had here. After our meal, our server brought our bill and two little mints which were hermetically sealed to withstand an atomic blast.
I finally managed to get my cinnamon flavored mint out of that wrapper without the mint flying across the restaurant. It was better than I thought it would be; it had kind of a buttery texture to it. You couldn’t help but want to let it just dissolve slowly in your mouth.
This apparently is what I should have done.
About 1 mile down the road, I realized my tongue was bleeding. I vaguely remember “scratching” my tongue with a sharp piece of that candy (that I should have let slowly dissolve in my mouth).
Have you ever tried to stop a tongue from bleeding? It just seemed to make it worse! I went thru’ 2 heavy duty paper towels which I kept wetting with water from my water mug and putting on my tongue. And of course, Dan was trying not to laugh and me with a bleeding tongue and a wet paper towel on my tongue I couldn’t retaliate with any comeback, so I just gave him the finger (I did it down low so the close traffic wouldn’t see me…trying to be a polite southern belle and all that).
Then he needed to know which light we turned at to go to Wal-Mart. I wa t’ing oo ell im oo urn a uh ex igh. Translation I was trying to tell him to turn at the next light.
My tongue continued to bleed. Dan parked the truck in the Wal-Mart parking lot (he always parks out in the south 40, likes to walk I guess). By now I’m reaching for another napkin and I said to him “ooo ah g’in o ave oo et a bed an uh ilk.” Translated; You are going to have to get the bread and milk.
I’ve never seen a man looked so scared in my life! His eyes got really wide and he said “WHY ME??!!” I took the red stained napkin from my mouth and let the blood run free and said “EECAUSE I AN’T!!!” (BECAUSE I CAN’T!!)
By now he was wishing he’d parked closer to the store and he probably was wishing we hadn’t stopped for pizza.
He left and left me with his set of keys (not sure why since I have my own set) and left.
I kept trying to get my tongue to stop bleeding. It seemed it was getting worse and the watered down napkins weren’t helping any. I thought since it’s now been over 20 minutes with this situation and that treatment wasn’t working, I’d stop that and see what it would do on its own. Since Dan was in the store, I wouldn’t have to talk till he came back. Maybe with no movement, my tongue might stop bleeding.
While I was trying to keep my tongue still I noticed a man that was walking around asking people if anyone had seen his wife. And he kept pointing at the car next to our truck. I hid the keys and wished MY window was up a bit further. Dan’s was up far enough I wouldn’t have to worry and the doors were locked. But in order to put MY window up further, I’d have to put the key in the ignition.
I reached over to put the key in the ignition so I could put my window up a bit. Next thing I know, this guy has his face next to my window wanting to know if I’D seen his wife. I shook my head NO and held my bloody napkin up to my face. He left.
BUT he was still asking people if they’d seen his wife. I even saw him catch a guy and his family that had JUST parked their car and asked THEM the same thing. He said something else but I couldn’t catch it but the man he was talking to said “I’m down here on vacation with my family and I cannot help you look”.
By now I’ve kind of forgotten about my tongue because this guy is getting in the car next to our truck (on Dan’s side). He is getting in from the passenger side and is leaning across like he’s looking in the back seat and he says” Where the f--- is she?!” (I’m trying to remain positive and not be worried that he’s a mass murderer or something so I’m thinking maybe he had a blow up doll and she burped and farted and flew out the window???)
By now I’m debating on whether calling 9-1-1 or just pretend like I’m slowly bleeding to death. And by this time I’ve realized that it has taken Dan over 20 minutes to get a loaf of bread and a half gallon of milk. Is he trying to teach me a lesson? Did he have a heart attack from eating all that pizza? Where is he? He should have been back by now.
I decide to write him a note and leave it for him before I left the truck and locked it. Well, THAT isn’t going to work because he left HIS keys with me.
And this strange guy is now two rows over asking about his wife.
Dan finally appears and the guy comes back to what I assume is his vehicle (next to Dan’s side). I tried to tell Dan to get in quickly and lock the door, but I still couldn’t speak very well because even though the bleeding had subsided, it now hurt like hell. And it started bleeding again.
“Ge yo ah in ere an ock at amn oor!” (Get your ass in here and lock that damn door!).
Well, that’s enough of this saga. It appears I’ve gotten 1275 words so this will be continued at another time. Gotta keep you guessing!! The first guess is WHAT IS THE TITLE OF THIS POST??!!