I don't enjoy shopping; never have, never will...and you do know about me if you've been with me for a while. Where we live, you either shop online or make a trip to da Soo...and there aren't too many choices of stores once you get to da Soo...especially not for decent shoes and proper fitting bras. So, normally I order online (what DID we do before this way of life??) which normally involves returning things and re-ordering a different size. Sometimes this can go on for weeks at a time before I FINALLY get the right fit on either the shoes or bras.
These are the two items of clothing in particular that I HATE having to buy or replace....shoes and bras.
Before you get a bra, there are certain things that a woman is supposed to know in order to get a proper fit....notice I didn't say a COMFORTABLE fit.
1. Get fitted by a certified bra specialist. WHO KNEW??? WONDER IF THAT IS A NEW LINE OF WORK? ARE CBS’s ABLE TO DRAW UNEMPLOYMENT?? SUPPOSE THERE ARE ANY OF THOSE JOBS IN DA U.P?? WHAT DOES A CBS PUT ON HIS OR HER RESUME??
2. To make sure that the bra fits properly, take note of the band size. OK, SO THE BRA FITS PROPERLY, BUT WHO CARES HOW MANY ARE IN THE BAND??? IS THERE A LEADER OF THE BAND??
3. The center tab of the bra should lie flush against the chest wall. IS THIS ABOUT THE 2 DEGREES OF SEPARATION?
4. The breast tissue needs to be contained inside the bra cup. No spillage, no double bubbling and no puckering (which means that the cup is too big). IN OTHER WORDS, YOU DON’T WANT YOUR CUP TO RUNNETH OVER.
5. Showing your bra straps is NOT acceptable! BUT SHOWING A LOT OF CLEAVAGE IS ACCEPTABLE!
6. If you find a bra brand that fits and it's comfortable, chances are their other styles will fit you as well. NO, THE REAL CHANCES ARE THAT YOU BETTER BUY TWO DOZEN OF THEM BECAUSE I CAN GUARANTEE YOU, THE NEXT TIME YOU WANT THIS SAME BRA, IT WILL BE OUT OF PRODUCTION AND REPLACED BY SOMETHING ELSE.
7. If you are looking to streamline or reduce the appearance of your bustline, then a minimizer is the bra for you. YEP, EVERY WOMAN I KNOW WANTS TO STREAMLINE THE GIRLS AND MAKE THEM LOOK SMALLER (YEA, RIGHT!)
8. If you need to enhance your bustline, a push-up bra will give you a naturally fuller look. AND STANDING ON YOUR HEAD WILL SHIFT EVERYTHING TO THE RIGHT LOCATION.
9. Bras have many different functions. Whether you want to lift, shape, minimize or maximize- there is a bra for you. IN REGARDS TO THE MANY DIFFERENT FUNCTIONS, DON’T FORGET JETHRO BODINE USING ELLY MAY’S BRA FOR A DOUBLE BARRELLED SLING SHOT! I HAVE ALSO SEEN THEM USED AS AN ORNAMENT ACROSS THE FRONT OF A CHROME BUMPER. DOGS HAVE USED THEM FOR A GAME OF TUG OF WAR. LOTS OF THINGS CAN BE DONE WITH A BRA.
For the Record Book
1 week ago