WHY DOES 'DEEP' MAKE MY GUM COME OUT??

THAT is a question that my daughter, Jody, asked me when she was about 4 years old. That has been about 36 years ago…GOOD LORD!!! How did THAT happen? Does she realize in 4 short years she will be 40?? GOD!!! What does that make me?? Wait, gotta get the calculator and do the math….

I digress;

Jody, her Daddy (my first of only two hubbies), our dog and I had been swimming in one of the irrigation ponds. While we were splashing around, Jody said something about the water being deep. When we were back in the truck, she said “Why does DEEP make my gum come out?”

We didn’t have a clue what this 4 year old gem was talking about so questions followed. She said “When I said deep, my gum came out in the water. Why does deep make my gum come out? I lost my gum.”

OR:

“Mommy, will you feel my apple?” (Translation; Mommy will you PEEL my apple)

Well, here is MY question; why does my right shoe fart?? It didn’t use to make this embarrassing farting noise. It only started doing this recently. First there was the problem of identifying which shoe was actually farting. I did get that figured out after much dancing from one foot to the other.

I can’t sneak up on anyone; I can’t even sneak off to the kitchen for a snack. You are probably thinking this is a good thing, but it is like having the shopping cart that has the squeaky wheel. And the store is so quiet except for the cart you are pushing. I have felt that way about this shoe for about 2 weeks now…only as I said, IT FARTS. I do NOT want people looking at me “that way” because if I say “It isn’t me, it is my shoe”, do you think anyone would believe me???

Combine the farting right shoe with the flare leg denim jeans (the bottom part of both legs of the jeans make a sound all of their own when I am walking…ya know, they DO kind of rub together. Just think if I was wearing CORDUROY JEANS!!! ), and ALL the campground/lodging keys in my pocket that jingle…I sound like a one woman band.

So, when all else fails, you do a search. In case YOU have this problem these suggestions might come in handy (I have copied these exactly as they appear online. ANY spelling errors are not mine);

I bought a new pair of jordans and after a couple of days it started to squeak. It sounded like farting. So thanks to everybody that posted. The lotion worked for me. U take out your inner soul and just rub some lotion and it stopped squeaking. Thanks! It seems that some Jordans have these problems. Thanks (MY THOUGHT; NO POST BEFORE THIS ONE SAID ANYTHING ABOUT USING LOTION. IS IT FOOT LOTION, SKIN LOTION, SUNTAIN LOTION, LOVE LOTION??? BE SPECIFIC, WILL YA??!! I’M NOT EVEN GOING TO TOUCH THE PART ABOUT “TAKE OUT YOUR INNER SOUL”. )


I just applied automotive belt dressing to the bottom of my shoes squeaky shoes (Steve Madden). I'd recommend cleaning off the excess dressing and letting them dry, or they will mark. So far, my walking has yielded quiet shoes and mark free floors (tile). (MY THOUGHTS; WHO HAS AUTOMOTIVE BELT DRESSING ON HAND??? DO YOU SUPPOSE THOUSAND ISLAND DRESSING WOULD WORK?? WHO IS STEVE MADDEN?? BACK TO THE DRESSING; YES, CLEAN OFF THE EXCESS OR YOU WILL SLIP AND FALL ON YOU’RE A--!)If you do this, clean off the excess, especially in the grooves before walking on carpet. Otherwise, you will have this tacky substance that is hard to remove on your floors. (NOT TO MENTION THE BUTT CHEEK INDENTS LEFT ON THE FLOOR)


Amazing! All the useful knowledge in the world and a squeaky shoe solution that works! Aveda expensive lip balm ( but my graddaughter had already chewed a bit off the top) worked like a charm . Thanks. (MY THOUGHTS; I’VE GOTTA GET OUT MORE, WHAT THE HELL IS AVEDA EXPENSIVE LIP BALM?? 2ND THOUGHT; DID YOUR GRANDAUGHTER CHEW A BIT OFF THE TOP OF THE SHOE OR THE AVENDA EXPENSIVE LIP BALMS? IN ANY CASE, FEED THE KID! AND LASTLY, WHERE DID YOU PUT THE AVEDA EXPENSIVE LIP BALM? INSIDE THE SHOE? OUTSIDE ON THE SOLE??)

Just bought an expensive pair of new balance that were squeaky. Trader Joe's spearmint lip balm worked great! Thanks. ( WELL, I HAVEN’T HEARD OF TRADER JOE’S SPEARMING LIP BALM BUT APPARENTLY IT ISN’T AS EXPENSIVE AS AVEDA…BUT AGAIN, WHERE DID YOU PUT IT???)

I had recently bought a 150 dollar pair of Nike Jordans. After about a week they started to squeek. I used Bag Balm. You can still hear the air, but no squeek. (THE PERSON WHO POSTED THIS DIDN’T SAY IF THESE WERE AIR JORDANS, BUT IF THEY WERE MAYBE THAT IS WHY YOU CAN STILL HEAR THE AIR??? AND BAG BALM??? I KNOW WHAT THAT IS!!! I EVEN HAVE SOME IN THE BATHROOM CUPBOARD! NEVER THOUGHT OF USING IT FOR A FARTING SHOE…MUST GO ON THE INSIDE??)

And the one that fits MY situation;

I just bought a new pair of New Balance running shoes and I have orthodics, so I have to take the original insoles out. Well, I walked into the office and they squeaked like crazy! I found this forum and found someone who said to put paper towels in the shoe. So I went to the bathroom, got some free paper towels the office provides, you know, the one from the dispenser that has a 3-fold. It took 3 in the right shoe and 4 in the left. I folded in the 3 fold and put it between my orthodic and and shoe. It totally works. No more squeak at all! Thanks! (MY THOUGHTS; THE FIRST TWO SENTANCES FIT ME TO A T!!! BUT I HAVE HAD MY SHOES FOR A YEAR AND THEY JUST STARTED DOING THIS RECENTLY. BUT THIS IS THE FIX I TRIED AND IT HAS WORKED!!! THANK YOU WHOMEVER YOU ARE, YOU NON SQUEEKING PERSON!!)