Does anyone know how much gum one can chew before their jaws lock up or their teeth fall out?
I should be able to answer that question within the next 11 days or so…that is if I am still sane enough to type.
See, Dan developed a “nasty habit” when he was in Nam…chewing tobacco. He started chewing to keep him awake (I don’t think Bermuda onion leaves were available for pipe smoking; see story about Danny Boy). He has kept that habit alive and kicking ever since then.
Due to our ages, we had to have physicals to extend our current life insurance policies with Principal. We truly figured that I would be the one that would end up being scolded, premium raised or cancelled (due to having gained weight since 1985 and not having any white blood cells and not knowing why). I passed with flying colors and was able to extend my policy to age 85 PLUS my monthly premium went down from $35 per month to $22…same coverage.
Dan, on the other hand, got “written up” for nicotine. Of course there was the question, DO YOU SMOKE on the new application. He does NOT smoke so he put NO. However, if he wanted to extend his policy another 10 years (ONLY 10 years) his premiums would go from $150 every 3 months to almost $600!
It isn’t that we need larger policies for OUR protection, but we wanted them to leave to the kids. See, we are the parents who plan on SPENDING THE KIDS INHEIRITANCE. As I’ve probably explained before, we have a blended family; Dan has two sons, I have a daughter. His life insurance would be divided between his two sons, my daughter is my beneficiary.
There wasn’t any way we felt we could afford that large quarterly payment but Dan didn’t want to leave the boys “high and dry”. I started doing online searches and listening more to the TV adds. I checked out what the VA offered (only up to $10K). I finally ended up contacting Select Quote.
We went through the application process with Select Quote. The agent found 5 different companies with varying premium amounts. Only ONE would insure a “chewer” PROVIDED THAT PERSON DID NOT CHEW FOR 12 DAYS BEFORE THE PHYSICAL! The insurance amount is actually $10K MORE than what Dan currently has with Principal (although it will be term life instead of whole life) and the premium per quarter is about $25 more.
The 12 day period started 24 hours, 27 minutes and 39 seconds ago…I know this because I am keeping time…it is going to be a LONG 12 days for both of us. I can also break it down by 58 butterscotch disks consumed, 17 pieces of gum being tortured and a path worn in the carpet from the couch to the fridge (keep looking in the fridge, dear, maybe something new will materialize since the last time you checked).
My hope is that if he is able to do this, by the time it is over, he will quit chewing all together. There is a strong possibility that by the end of this, I will be a drinker.
For the Record Book
3 days ago