Yesterday morning, while it was still cold (when ISN’T it cold??) and the snow was still firm and crusty, Dan announced he was going to “take a tramp to the woods”. I said “Instead of taking a tramp, why don’t you let me go with you?”
He was grunting and groaning putting his boots on (I think it has something to do with all the butterscotch disks he has been consuming. And I gotta tell ya, I didn’t know they caused so much damn gas!). I was just plain groaning putting my boots on (my groans were directed more at Mother Nature and Old Man Winter).
Dan grabbed what he calls his “staff” (AKA, LONG pole…well shoot, I can’t seem to get away from a play on words with this whole thing. Let me try again…a 6’ long wooden stick to help him walk without falling down, also could be used in self defense should we encounter any Ninja’s in da woods). I grabbed the camera bag.
It is about 1/16th of a mile walk (or tramp) to the Poop Pond (AKA sewage lagoon). Since it was still cold we could walk on top of the snow but we treaded gingerly just in case there were any surprises. We managed to get back there without any huffing and wheezing nor any falling down. Dan measured and there is still about 20” of snow on the level back there and the Poop Pond is still pretty much frozen over. By this time, I had hives on my face, hands and could feel them on my feet so I announced I was headed back.
I started back down the trail a ways ahead of Dan. Suddenly, I heard a thud and an OOOFF! I looked back and Dan was face down, headed DOWN HILL. I quickly walked back to where he was and asked if he was OK (I was worried about his artificial knees). He managed to get his face and hands out of the snow and gave me a thumbs up …or maybe it wasn’t his thumb. HE did have gloves on. Reflecting back to that moment, the digit was longer than a thumb. SAY!!!! That WAS NOT a thumbs up!
Regardless, we got him back on his feet and his staff back in his hand. He assured me vocally this time that he was OK. By now, my face was really breaking out so again, I started out ahead of him. I didn’t hear him coming behind me so I looked back and he had the cell phone in one hand and patting his coat pockets with the other hand.
ME: “What cha doing?”
DAN: “Oh, (*$%! I think I lost my pack of gum when I fell down.”
ME” “So are you planning on calling search and rescue? I see you have the cell phone out.”
DAN: “No, HA. HA. I’m not calling anyone. When I fell down I landed on the phone and was gonna make sure it still worked. Then I noticed my $*&^ gum is missing!”
ME: “Well, it’ll be a neat trick to try to figure out if the phone works since we rarely can get a signal even in the yard.” (with that I started to walk towards the campground again)
DAN: “HEY!!! I’ve got a signal! The phone works back here!”
It’s pretty bad when ya have to head to the woods to get a phone signal. And it isn’t like we carry that thing every place we go; it just happened to be in his pocket. But at least now I can tell our guests where to go when they want to "reach out and touch someone" and they can't get a signal in the campground! TAKE A TRAMP TO THE WOODS!
For the Record Book
1 week ago