I have a family member that I want to share a story with you about. Because I love this family member, he will remain nameless for this story. He is quite a character and I love to hear him tell a tale.
If you talked with my nameless brother in law you’d swear he was a red-neck instead of a troll. He has lived in southern Lower Michigan all of his life, but his accent ranges from the hills of Kentucky. We can’t figure out where that came from. Actually he looks like he could be from the hills of Kentucky; has the beard, usually carrying a shotgun or rifle, always hunting something. To look at him, you’d expect at any moment for him to shout out an ear piercing “EEEEE-HAW!” and break into a clog (cue the banjos please). And he is the nicest guy you’d ever know.
NBIL (stands for nameless brother in law) called the other day just to “hee-jaw” and see how things were a-going for “yawl” (AKA “us-ins”…pronounced just like it looks). One subject led to ‘nuther” and then we all was talking about the bats in his upstairs. No, I don’t mean he has mental problems; he actually has BATS in the upstairs of his home.
His new neighbor came over to let NBIL know that he (NBIL) had a bat problem and one of NBIL’s bats tried to bite his daughter and what was he gonna do about it. The neighbor went on to explain that there “are thousand of bats” coming out of the attic every night. (NBIL and his wife have not occupied their house in about a year as they had been helping another family member and had lived elsewhere). NBIL can be a patient person but he really doesn’t like to be confronted about “his bats” (or other things he has no control over)…like they had his name on them??? He also likes to have a bit of fun at the other person’s expense…and he was getting a might tarred (tired for those of you who don’t drawl) about the carryings on of this fella. The fella had gone so far to say that he figured the house had to smell to high heaven, so NBIL invited him to come into the house. NBIL had to use his powers of persuasion to get the fella to come on in. The neighbor was “a might sprised” (surprised) at “how purdy” (pretty) the house was and no it didn’t stink atall (at all).
But the fella couldn’t let go of the fact that “all them thar (there) bats” keep a coming out of yer (your) attic at night and how hard it must be to sleep in a house full of bats. NBIL assured the neighbor that the bats have provided insulation in the attic and besides “THEY sleep UPSTARS (upstairs) and we sleep downstars (downstairs)…and nevah (never) the twain shawl (shall) meet.
I think you can safely add bats to my list of things that give me the heebie-jeebies. Where we use to live (big old two story farm house), your night time garb included a badminton racquet placed within easy reach of your side of the bed. I did find it very awkward to swing a racquet with any degree of accuracy from under the covers.
For the Record Book
1 week ago