Do you ever speculate why we ask some of the questions that we do? For example, have you ever asked anyone (or has anyone asked you) “How was your shower?” Or “Did you have a nice bath?” I KNOW you’ve heard someone ask that question…even if it was on TV. But WHY is it important that one knows how the other ones shower or bath was? I don’t ever recollect hearing anyone say “Did your teeth brush up satisfactorily?” or “How about those nose hairs, did every thing come out all right?”
Then there are the friends who invite you over for supper and she has prepared a new dish and wants your valued opinion on it…and you are smiling graciously, nodding your head, chewing and trying to act as if the reason you can’t speak is because the flavor in your mouth must be what heaven is like. You just can’t work up the words (mainly from lack of saliva) to describe it, so you give her a quick wink and a nod of your head all the time knowing the moment has come when you DO have to swallow. The little quivering noise that you make as you swallow only comes across to your Happy Cooker as an expression of how good that first bite was. And as you forlornly look at your plate, you realize that was the first of many, MANY bites. Don’t fret; it will be over (gulp) soon…maybe dessert will be Death By Chocolate.
Or how about the friends who have been waiting the arrival of their baby?? The blessed event finally occurs. Your friends are a comparatively nice looking couple so no one has any qualm that the baby will be a little doll. You go for your first visit, equipped with a toy or two. You are anxious to see this little bundle of joy. The proud parents bring out their little bundle of joy and finally turn to you with the baby. You see all the love in their eyes that any parent ever feels for their child. You look down into the face of this precious new gift …. and the kid is butt ugly. As the parents hand him over to you, you try to hide your shock. Mommy and Daddy are cooing and saying things like “Isn’t he just the most beautiful little baby ever??” And all you can think of is that the stuffed toy ape you brought as a gift looks like the kids twin brother. What DO you do in a case like this?? Just grin (try not to grimace) and say “Yep, this IS a baby all right!”
For the Record Book
1 week ago