There is a dentist in the Soo whose motto is “We Cater to Cowards”. That is me. I do go to a dentist in Newberry but I think if he’d have thought of that motto first, he would qualify to use it.
My first experience with the dentist was at the tender age of 4 and I had to have a tooth pulled. The dentist had been an army dentist and HIS motto was “No Pain, No Gain, No Novocain”…or at least I ASSUME that was his motto. He must’ve have had General Patton’s DNA.
Since that experience I have taken extremely good care of my teeth. Ya don’t have to beat me with a drill. I’m a quick study. Oh, over my life time I had a couple of fillings in my teen years, but nothing too major. Since moving to the U.P. and since I don’t have dental insurance anymore, I go to the dentist once a year instead of twice a year.
Our dentist built a new dental facility with “state of the art” everything, right down to the bibs and the chairs. Last year was my first visit at the new clinic, which still didn’t ease my anticipation. I was overwhelmed with all the new gadgets. The technician told me to relax, that she was going to lower the chair so my head was positioned slightly downhill. The chair kept “lowering” and “lowering” till finally the blood was rushing to my head. The technician couldn’t get the chair to stop. I thought that if I tried to sit UP that perhaps that would help. In order for me to accomplish that, I first needed to drop my legs on either side of the chair to help pull against gravity. When I made that motion, I almost did a backwards summersault off the head rest of the chair. By now we are all laughing and the technician had FINALLY gotten the darn thing stopped…but she couldn’t get it up righted again. After much ado, I finally was able to get out of the chair and she was able to get it up right once again. I think everyone in the building thought there had been an accidental release of nitrous oxide. My check up was fine and that’ll be $90.00 please. I really would have thought that for all that I went through I should have a discount!
This year’s annual check up was fine too, but I decided, after reading “Welcome to the World of Periodontal Disease and How to Avoid It”, I was going to invest in an electric toothbrush. I had one years ago but when it died, I never replaced it.
I did some research online, did the Consumer Report thing trying to find the best electric toothbrush. Would you believe that the one that Crest makes for about $10.00 ranked # 3 behind one from Sonicare for $99.99 and I can’t remember what # 2 was. My next trip to town, I checked at the local drug store to see if they might have any. I was interested in one of the Sonicare products, but not the $99.99 one. I found the Sonicare Advance 4100 series for $69.99 so I grabbed it. I then purchased a tube of Colgate Total (I have used Crest ALL OF MY TOOTHBRUSHING LIFE!! Colgate Total is highly recommended in the battle against periodontal disease) and a bottle of the new Crest Mouthwash (which is proven to fight gingivitis, promote healthy gums and cause world peace to break out in remote areas).
I never had a toothbrush that came with a 13 page manual. What had I gotten myself into!!?? And it was in fine print and with illustrations! This looked more difficult than putting a sweeper together! I finally got it together and got it on the charger; it needed to charge for 17 hours prior to use; not 16 or 18 hours, but 17!! I couldn’t wait for breakfast!
The next morning, Dan and I happened to be brushing our teeth at the same time; he the old fashioned way and me with my Advance 4100 with Colgate Total leading the challenge! This thing has a timer on it to let you know when you have brushed in the first quadrant for long enough and that it is time to move to the next quadrant. It also lets you know if you are brushing too hard. It also shuts off at 2 minutes of use! First of all, I didn’t even know I HAD quadrants in my mouth! Second, you won’t brush too hard because you will vibrate your eyeballs out of their sockets (at 3000 rpm). Third, I HAD to shut it off before my two minutes was up because I was frothing at the mouth and dribbling down my chin (note to self; don’t use so much toothpaste next time). During all of this, Dan is intently studying the underside of his faucets at his sink when it finally dawns on him that the noise he is hearing is NOT coming from his faucets but from my vibrating teeth.
After the first session with my new 4100, I had to clean my side of the mirror, wash my face and clean my shirt. I just hope when that red shirt comes out of the laundry it doesn’t have 10,000 little white polka dots on it because that is what it looked like when I got done brushing!
For the Record Book
3 days ago