It has become pretty obvious to us Southerners that our presentastrological signs have served their purpose and that we shouldget rid of them. When I'm out driving around I'll see bulls, and once in a great while I suppose I'll even see a ram. Up the street from methere's some twins, but I don't see them much. The rest of the thingsare just too obscure. You only see crabs on vacation. There are nolions or scorpions, not many archers and no water bearers. Virgins?The neighborhood's not crawling with them either.So... what we need here is some relevance. We need things we can recognize up there in the night sky.
SCROLL DOWN TO YOUR BIRTH DATE!
OKRA Dec 22 - Jan 20Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick on theinside. Okra have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. Stay away from Moon Pies.
CHITLIN Jan 21 - Feb 19Chitlins often come from humble backgrounds. Many times they'reuncomfortable talking about just where they came from. A chitlin,however, can make something of himself if he's motivated and has plentyof seasoning. When it comes to dealing with Chitlins, be very careful.Chitlins can burn and then erupt like a volcano, and this can make fora really terrible mess. Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra.Remember that when marriage time rolls around.
BOLL WEEVIL Feb 20 - Mar 20You have an overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied with thesurface of things, and you feel the need to bore deep into theinterior of everything. Needless to say, you are very intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. Nobody in their right mind is going tomarry you, so don't worry about it.
MOON PIE Mar 21 - Apr 20You're the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch. It's acinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies. "Big" and"round" are the key words here. You should marry anybody who you canget remotely interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy. This mightbe the year to think about aerobics. Maybe not.
POSSUM Apr 21 - May 21When confronted with life's difficulties, possums have a markedtendency to withdraw and develop a "don't - bother - me - about - it"attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually thinkyou're dead. This strategy is probably not psychologically healthy,but seems to work for you. One day, however, it won't work, and you mayfind your problems actually running you over.
CRAWFISH May 22 - Jun 21Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an office, you're alwayshanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach to themountains, the pool to the golf course, the bathtub to the livingroom. You tend not to be particularly attractive physically, but you havevery, very good hands.
COLLARDS Jun 22- Jul 23Collards have a genius for communication. They love to get in the"melting pot" of life and share their essence with the essences ofthose around them. Collards make good social workers, psychologists,and baseball managers. As far as your personal life goes, if you areCollards, stay away from Moon Pies. It just won't work. Save yourselfa lot of headaches.
CATFISH Jul 24 - Aug 23Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, with oneexception: Whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. You catfish arenever easy people to understand. You prefer the muddy bottoms to theclear surface of life. Above all else, Catfish should stay away fromMoon Pies.
GRITS Aug 24 - Sep 23Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself. You like tohuddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love to travel,though, so maybe you should think about joining a club. Where do youlike to go? Anywhere they have cheese or gravy or bacon or butter oreggs. If you can go somewhere where they have all these things, thatserves you well.
BOILED PEANUTS Sep 24 - Oct 23You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man.Unfortunately, those who know you best -- your friends and loved ones -- may find that your personality is much too salty, and their criticism will probably affect you deeply because you are really much softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop for you.
BUTTER BEAN Oct 24 - Nov 22Always invite a Butter Bean because Butter Beans get along well witheverybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You've grown on thevine of life and you feel at home no matter what the setting. You cansit next to anybody. However, you, too, shouldn't have anything to dowith Moon Pies.
ARMADILLO Nov 23 - Dec 21You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you areactually quite gentle. A good evening for you? Old friends, a fire, someroots, fruit, worms and insects. You are a throwback. You're notconcerned with today's fashions and trends. You're not concerned withanything about today. You're really almost prehistoric in yourinterests and behavior patterns. You probably want to marry another Armadillo, but Possum is another, somewhat kinky, mating possibility.
For the Record Book
1 week ago