The following was sent to me by my best friend, Anne. Her heritage IS English (by that I mean, over there, the Beatles, Liverpool, etc). I don't think you have to have a Britsh sense of humor to appreciate these. One of these days, I will have to tell you how Anne and I dsicovered just how many shots there is in Jagermeister and how far she can walk unassisted after figuring this out!
Extracts from actual letters sent to various councils and housing associations throughout the UK:
1. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
2. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
3. .. and their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
4. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
5. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand.
6. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
7. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant. We are getting married in September and we would like it in the garden before we move into the house.
8. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
9. ..50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy.
10. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
11. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
12. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
13. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
14. Would you please send a man to repair my spout. I am an old age pensioner and need it badly.
15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.
16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.
18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.
19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
20. I have had the clerk of the works down on the floor six times but I still have no Satisfaction.
21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2.
22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
23. ... and he's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just cant take it anymore.
24. ... that is his excuse for dogs mess that I find hard to swallow
- Cathy Clementz
- A long time ago, I was a child. (I started out as Cathy First from Colon, Mi.) For the past several years I’ve been an adult. A lot of things went on between those two stages of life; probably no more or no less than anyone elses. My husband and I moved to “da U .P” from southern Lower Michigan several years ago (yes we were trolls at one time). We owned and operated and operate Clementz’s Northcountry Campground and Cabins just north of Newberry, Michigan until May 2015. We have grown kids and grandkids (who all live downstate). My passion is life and all that Nature has to offer us and trying to photograph it in unique ways. Our intention in life is to see all that Nature has to offer us. We hope that you will be a part of our adventures as we cruise through our lives together. Come back often!